"I came into Brown with a strong Jewish identity from a Schechter School k-8 and public school 9-12. In the transition to public school, I had to make the decision between running cross country, that had meets on Saturdays, and going to shul, and that was the first time I began questioning my Judaism. I think that conflict was the context for my entering Brown and so I didn't attend Hillel at all my first year. I did get close to the Chabad family and they reminded me a lot of my observant childhood, which was a nice home away from home. Then I started going to Havurah services at Hillel my sophomore year which became another home which was absolutely wonderful. After four years I find myself really drawn to universalism, not just in an abstract way, but as far as my religious impulse goes, mine is inconsistent with the traditional Jewish emphasis upon particularism, chosenness and superiority and I’m in an unresolved struggle to figure out where I stand with that. Hillel, however, is very much a counterpoint to the part of me that wants to renounce Judaism because Hillel is very inclusive and goes to great lengths to invite people from other faiths, other communities, which I'm so proud of. I find myself less and less inclined to Jewish learning because I’m so intellectually worn out from other places that for me, Judaism is a place of feeling, emotion, aesthetics, song, dance, food and laughing, and if I can carve that out as my sacred place than I call myself lucky. I also find myself drawn to Buddhist meditation practice as a way of exercising self-awareness and discipline in a way that other people tap into their Judaism. Davening in the morning has a similar outcome to sitting on a cushion for 30 minutes and I personally tap more into the latter, but I envy the people who can achieve the same outcome through davening, and I’m still open to it. I feel conflicted because I feel an obligation to be a part of the Jewish community at large, but I find myself less and less inclined to go to shul on Saturdays and so I feel immensely guilty about that because how can I expect someone else to build and sustain the community if I don’t do the same thing? I’m working on that, but as far as Hillel is concerned, it’s been a forceful counterweight to the part of me that wants to distance myself from religious life and therefore I’m very appreciate."
Next year Shane will be a first year medical student here at Brown University.
Next year Shane will be a first year medical student here at Brown University.
